In the past several weeks, it has come to my attention during my quiet time that I'm not as reliant on others as I should be.
I have never once had trouble relying on God, but sometimes I don't rely on others as much as I should. I don't share my burdens as much as I should. But if I believe what the Bible says, and I do, I'm suppose to allow my brothers in sisters in Christ to share my burdens every once and again.
I've done a lot of soul searching on why I don't always rely on others. I think there are a lot of reasons. I think some of it is just my personality. There are other people who have problems worse than mine so I feel bad sharing my problems. I also never want to become a person who complains all the time. But there is a difference between complaining and sharing with others what you are going through. I'm realizing that and I'm trying really hard to take down the wall and allow others in. People can't reach out to me if I don't let them in.
Another reason I think I struggle with this is because I can be a very private person. I'm sort of an contradiction. I love people and I love to get to know them, but at the same time I sometimes don't share as much as I know I should. I think some of this is because of many things about my life have a way of making me feel as if I live inside a fish bowl. Being the "girl with the muscle disease" and "the preacher's kid" I think has at times made me feel like I had no privacy so I would fight for any way I could have privacy.
The last reason is I think I've allowed myself to be vunerable with the wrong people, and that in a sense has wounded me. I'm doing my best to remember though that not everyone will hurt me.
What am I trying to do now is become more vunerable. Take risks. Let people in. Allow people to be there for me. I think this step is essential.
I'm going through tons right now and even though there are days I want to just throw in the towel, I know that God has a purpose for it all. But if I never allow myself to be open about my trials and tribulations then He can't get the glory. I know God can ultimately use my suffering to help others--so I'm doing all I can to take the steps to become a more open person.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
An Update & Some thoughts from me.....
First short update: AWANA is going great, even though there are times I feel as if I need more energy to keep up! My cats a wonderful! My sister is coming home Thursday... whoo hoo! Her Bridal shower from our church is on Sunday!!!
Currently Reading: San Fransico, by Kristin Billerbeck. It's a good read, but I like the books by her that I read previous to this a bit more. I still think they are cute stories, and most of all, they are proper and clean stories, so that's always awesome.
Also reading: "God Has a Dream For Your Life." Sheila Walsh
There were a few quotes in that book that have meant a lot to me. The first is this:
I think too often in our society, individuality is lost. We forget that we all have a unique purpose to fulfill in God's kingdom. We all have a place and we all have a part. I think we need to seek God and our purpose as individuals in order to be more effective as a church.
Another quote:
That is such a true statement. In the past couple years I've seen how people can both heal and deepen wounds. I'm so thankful to those who are on the healing side, and I think they would all know who they are. And I'm trying to work on my heart where I become thankful for even those on the wounding side, for the simple fact that I know in overcoing I have grown so much. I still wish a lot of things were different, but in the end I'm a better, fuller person so that is what truly matters.
Another note on wounds: Christ would have never fulfilled His purpose if He hadn't been wounded on the cross. Now, none of us are Christ and we can never accomplish what He did; But I feel that God brings us all wounds and suffering in some form--whether it be spiritual, emotional, or physical suffering--to become more like Christ and eventually prepare us for a greater purpose. So when you face something hard, don't think 'why me Lord'.. think "Lord, what are you teaching me through this." That response is not always easy, but I think to fully benefit through our trials, we have focus on that in order to grow.
Last but not least, I think the most important thing to remember in life is that we answer to a higher Authority. I use to worry about what people thought of me. I was a people pleaser. From now on I want to be a God pleaser.
Much love to you all my friends!
Currently Reading: San Fransico, by Kristin Billerbeck. It's a good read, but I like the books by her that I read previous to this a bit more. I still think they are cute stories, and most of all, they are proper and clean stories, so that's always awesome.
Also reading: "God Has a Dream For Your Life." Sheila Walsh
There were a few quotes in that book that have meant a lot to me. The first is this:
There is no one else in the whole world quite like you. When you hide or devalue your gifts and personality, we are all a little less whole.
I think too often in our society, individuality is lost. We forget that we all have a unique purpose to fulfill in God's kingdom. We all have a place and we all have a part. I think we need to seek God and our purpose as individuals in order to be more effective as a church.
Another quote:
"Our relationships have the DNA to either deepen our wounds or heal them."
That is such a true statement. In the past couple years I've seen how people can both heal and deepen wounds. I'm so thankful to those who are on the healing side, and I think they would all know who they are. And I'm trying to work on my heart where I become thankful for even those on the wounding side, for the simple fact that I know in overcoing I have grown so much. I still wish a lot of things were different, but in the end I'm a better, fuller person so that is what truly matters.
Another note on wounds: Christ would have never fulfilled His purpose if He hadn't been wounded on the cross. Now, none of us are Christ and we can never accomplish what He did; But I feel that God brings us all wounds and suffering in some form--whether it be spiritual, emotional, or physical suffering--to become more like Christ and eventually prepare us for a greater purpose. So when you face something hard, don't think 'why me Lord'.. think "Lord, what are you teaching me through this." That response is not always easy, but I think to fully benefit through our trials, we have focus on that in order to grow.
Last but not least, I think the most important thing to remember in life is that we answer to a higher Authority. I use to worry about what people thought of me. I was a people pleaser. From now on I want to be a God pleaser.
Much love to you all my friends!
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Wounds
Within my moments of introspection lately, I've thought a lot about emotional wounds.
I think almost all of us have them, at least to some extent, although some may not be aware of them. To me it is startling how one sentence can stick in your mind and affect your behavior for years.
Our emotional wounds can take years for us to fully recover from. Sometimes we aren't even aware that they are the driving force behind a certain negative thought or self esteem issue. But they are there, and eventually they come the surface. If we don't confront them, they never heal.
People who say "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" probably have never had anyone speak harshly to them. I don't see how they can truly believe it if they have. It just isn't true. Our physical wounds disappear far sooner than our emotional ones.
When I was about 7 years old, I fell on the playground. My knees were skinned pretty badly. I remember worrying that I'd always have funny marks on my knees. They healed, and now there is no sign that it ever happened.
But when I was ten years old I was told by a doctor that spoke to me extremely harshly and said some incredibly hurtful things about my appearance. That comment just crushed me. It was completely out of line and heartless considering my physical appearance was the way it was because of my disease and the medication I had to be on at the time. That one cruel comment wounded me. For years I would look in the mirror and hear that repeat in my head. Eventually, I stopped hearing the words, and after awhile I forgot why I had such bad self esteem when I looked in the mirror.
I was constantly looking in the mirror and tearing myself apart. I did this for at least ten years, until I finally realized WHY I was doing it. Eventually I realized that my lack of self esteem began with one cruel comment. Over the past two years, it has really began to fade. I can think about that moment without feeling the hurt as badly.
I know I've been rambling but all this is leading to what I want to challenge everyone who read this to do. (I'm challenging myself too!)
My challenge to you all comes in two parts:
1. Confront your wounds, and ask God to help their healing. I was reading "The Heartache No One Sees" by Sheila Walsh and in there she put a beautiful illustration. (I'm parphrasing, but I hope you'll understand the sentiment just the same). After Jesus was cruisified and rose again, he showed Thomas his scars from the wounds in his hands. The wounds were no longer festering and fresh, they were healed, but the scars were still present. We don't need to forget our wounds; we need to heal from them and allow others to touch our scars. By doing that, we can help someone else heal.
2. Be someone who heals, not someone who wounds. I know it is impossible as human beings to always say just what someone needs to hear. I think we all misspeak and say something to someone that they take the wrong way or we speak without thinking and hurt someone within our lives. We are human, and unfortunately we all may wound in some way along the way. But when we do, and we realize we do we need to apologize. BUT as a rule I think we should try to be healers. Offer compliments and smile whenever possible. You never know who needs it! Just a couple months ago a stranger called my beautiful (it's a long story of why, but it isn't necessary). He had no idea how much I needed to hear that, and how much that helped heal an old wound.
Like I said, you never know who needs a smile, a compliment, or a wave.
Be a healer.
I think almost all of us have them, at least to some extent, although some may not be aware of them. To me it is startling how one sentence can stick in your mind and affect your behavior for years.
Our emotional wounds can take years for us to fully recover from. Sometimes we aren't even aware that they are the driving force behind a certain negative thought or self esteem issue. But they are there, and eventually they come the surface. If we don't confront them, they never heal.
People who say "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" probably have never had anyone speak harshly to them. I don't see how they can truly believe it if they have. It just isn't true. Our physical wounds disappear far sooner than our emotional ones.
When I was about 7 years old, I fell on the playground. My knees were skinned pretty badly. I remember worrying that I'd always have funny marks on my knees. They healed, and now there is no sign that it ever happened.
But when I was ten years old I was told by a doctor that spoke to me extremely harshly and said some incredibly hurtful things about my appearance. That comment just crushed me. It was completely out of line and heartless considering my physical appearance was the way it was because of my disease and the medication I had to be on at the time. That one cruel comment wounded me. For years I would look in the mirror and hear that repeat in my head. Eventually, I stopped hearing the words, and after awhile I forgot why I had such bad self esteem when I looked in the mirror.
I was constantly looking in the mirror and tearing myself apart. I did this for at least ten years, until I finally realized WHY I was doing it. Eventually I realized that my lack of self esteem began with one cruel comment. Over the past two years, it has really began to fade. I can think about that moment without feeling the hurt as badly.
I know I've been rambling but all this is leading to what I want to challenge everyone who read this to do. (I'm challenging myself too!)
My challenge to you all comes in two parts:
1. Confront your wounds, and ask God to help their healing. I was reading "The Heartache No One Sees" by Sheila Walsh and in there she put a beautiful illustration. (I'm parphrasing, but I hope you'll understand the sentiment just the same). After Jesus was cruisified and rose again, he showed Thomas his scars from the wounds in his hands. The wounds were no longer festering and fresh, they were healed, but the scars were still present. We don't need to forget our wounds; we need to heal from them and allow others to touch our scars. By doing that, we can help someone else heal.
2. Be someone who heals, not someone who wounds. I know it is impossible as human beings to always say just what someone needs to hear. I think we all misspeak and say something to someone that they take the wrong way or we speak without thinking and hurt someone within our lives. We are human, and unfortunately we all may wound in some way along the way. But when we do, and we realize we do we need to apologize. BUT as a rule I think we should try to be healers. Offer compliments and smile whenever possible. You never know who needs it! Just a couple months ago a stranger called my beautiful (it's a long story of why, but it isn't necessary). He had no idea how much I needed to hear that, and how much that helped heal an old wound.
Like I said, you never know who needs a smile, a compliment, or a wave.
Be a healer.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
I just adore this quote:
"There are plenty of fish in the sea. But really, there's not. It's not just our imaginations. It would be great if decent men were as plentiful as jumping salmon in a rushing river, but they aren't. For every Mr. Darcy there are a hundred Mr. Wickhams. Or in more contempory terms, for every Colin Firth, there are several thousand Hugh Grants. The odds are against us. But what can I say--I'm a romantic, and I can't abandon the fantasy of Prince Charming altogether. What girl with a heart can? I mean, I'm not asking to feed the five thousand; I just want one good fish!" --Morgan Milliard, character in the book "A Girl's Best Friend" by Kristin Billerbeck
Saturday, February 24, 2007
*Sweet Nothings*
This is a really neat forward I recieved awhile ago. Thought I would share.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that God does not already know about.
Psalm 139:1-4
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that is a mistake. Psalm 139: 4,16
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that I cannot handle by God's power and grace.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in my life.
Romans 8: 28
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
*Nothing will ever happen to me without God's presence.
Matthew 28:20
20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
*Nothing will ever seperate me from God's love. Romans 8:38-39
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that God does not already know about.
Psalm 139:1-4
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that is a mistake. Psalm 139: 4,16
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that I cannot handle by God's power and grace.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
*Nothing will ever happen to me that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in my life.
Romans 8: 28
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
*Nothing will ever happen to me without God's presence.
Matthew 28:20
20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
*Nothing will ever seperate me from God's love. Romans 8:38-39
38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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