In the past several weeks, it has come to my attention during my quiet time that I'm not as reliant on others as I should be.
I have never once had trouble relying on God, but sometimes I don't rely on others as much as I should. I don't share my burdens as much as I should. But if I believe what the Bible says, and I do, I'm suppose to allow my brothers in sisters in Christ to share my burdens every once and again.
I've done a lot of soul searching on why I don't always rely on others. I think there are a lot of reasons. I think some of it is just my personality. There are other people who have problems worse than mine so I feel bad sharing my problems. I also never want to become a person who complains all the time. But there is a difference between complaining and sharing with others what you are going through. I'm realizing that and I'm trying really hard to take down the wall and allow others in. People can't reach out to me if I don't let them in.
Another reason I think I struggle with this is because I can be a very private person. I'm sort of an contradiction. I love people and I love to get to know them, but at the same time I sometimes don't share as much as I know I should. I think some of this is because of many things about my life have a way of making me feel as if I live inside a fish bowl. Being the "girl with the muscle disease" and "the preacher's kid" I think has at times made me feel like I had no privacy so I would fight for any way I could have privacy.
The last reason is I think I've allowed myself to be vunerable with the wrong people, and that in a sense has wounded me. I'm doing my best to remember though that not everyone will hurt me.
What am I trying to do now is become more vunerable. Take risks. Let people in. Allow people to be there for me. I think this step is essential.
I'm going through tons right now and even though there are days I want to just throw in the towel, I know that God has a purpose for it all. But if I never allow myself to be open about my trials and tribulations then He can't get the glory. I know God can ultimately use my suffering to help others--so I'm doing all I can to take the steps to become a more open person.
